


The Flat, The Gift and The Cat

by allycat (choirofangels)



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Birds of Prey (And the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn) (2020), Harley Quinn (Cartoon 2019), Harley Quinn (Comics)
Genre: Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff, Hijinks & Shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:22:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24311968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/choirofangels/pseuds/allycat
Summary: A trio of short snippets about Harley and Ivy causing chaos in Gotham City.(Rated T for salty language.)
Relationships: Pamela Isley/Harleen Quinzel
Comments: 10
Kudos: 88





	The Flat, The Gift and The Cat

“Aw hell yeah! We’re home!” Harley cheered, kicking the front door open with a little too much force, dropping her loaded duffel bag to the floor.

Ivy followed her over the threshold, rolling her eyes at the back of her pretty blonde head. It was the end of a long, long day. A day they had been planning for weeks. There had been a major heist, then a major take but now - at last - they were home safe.

Or home, ish.

The studio apartment they'd been squatting in that particular week was pretty small. Every time they walked in Ivy wondered who the hell even lived there. The owners had pretty strange taste. The entire room was made up of mismatched furniture, kitsch nonsense from the sixties and a thin layer of dust. 

Ivy dumped the bag she was carrying next to Harley’s and surveyed their cramped kingdom. For all she hated it, they had been there long enough that she was beginning to feel strangely comforted by it. It was a little bohemian, sure, but it made for a perfect hideout, sequestered in the middle of a thousand other identical apartments. Plus, nobody had been home to bother them in weeks. Harley had scoped the place before they moved in and, sometimes against her own better judgement, Ivy trusted her with her life.

Of course, they were on the run, again. They were always on the run. Days of meticulous planning and research, making sure they kept two steps ahead of Commissioner Gordon, Batman and about a thousand other lowlives who wanted them both dead.

And if that wasn’t enough to contend with, Ivy had taken the first steps to finally completing her Grand Master Plan. She was going to overthrow Gotham’s entire contribution to the global deforestation network and steal from the rich bastards who were responsible. Single handedly, she would do what it would take Greenpeace and the justice system decades to achieve.

Harley, of course, was happy to tag along for the ride. She had broken up with her precious _puddin_ ’ and was striking out on her own. She agreed to work with Ivy as a consultant, part of her new business venture or something, after they had helped Cassandra Cain get the hell outta dodge for a while.

So it was just the two of them. On paper, a fancy business collaboration. In practice, an exhausted Ivy who spent most of her time working on schematics and a listless Harley who spent most of her time watching cartoons.

They had been there for a few weeks and, despite the apartment being as spacious as a large corporate elevator, there was a sizeable collection of plants growing by the window. It was their own little Eden. 

Ivy strode straight over to them and, for the most part, they all seemed pleased to see her. 

The plants she grew here were young, only a couple of months old. All they had ever really known was this windowsill. They were small, fragile, not like the venomous beauties back home in her greenhouse. 

Their little shoots trembled as her fingertips gently brushed over them in greeting. She smiled fondly, feeling relieved. They were just babies, it was always a comfort to her to know they were safe. 

There was a gentle huff and her eyes fell to that one obstinate ficus who wasn’t pleased to see her at all. She sighed irritably. It was still kind of annoyed after Harley had accidentally kicked it over a few days back. No matter how much Ivy tried to talk it round, the ficus wasn’t listening. 

“Oh quit being a bitch,” Ivy chided under her breath. “You know she didn’t mean it.” 

It was no use. The ficus huffed at her again, a little louder this time, and pointedly turned away, basking in the last rays of golden sunlight streaming through the window.

“Fine,” she shrugged. “Suit yourself.” Adolescent trees were always so stubborn, it drove her mad.

Behind her, the springs of the old, rumpled bed creaked as Harley threw herself down, punching the air in delight. Her bright smile was infectious, an invisible force that pulled Ivy away from the windowsill and over to lie down next to her.

The mattress sank and Ivy hummed, enjoying the feel of the soft fabric against her cooling skin. Her ears were still ringing and her mouth was dry. 

The last few hours had been nothing but yelling, smashing, pounding footsteps and sirens through the streets and alleys of Gotham as they ran rings around every jerk who tried to catch them before escaping unseen into the undergrowth of the residential district.

As a rule, Ivy tried to appreciate the little moments of quiet they could enjoy. The ringing in her ears began to fade out out to the sound of birdsong, the gentle hum of her plants growing...

“We did it!” Harley cheered again, throwing her arms over her head in victory and making the bed shake on its old iron frame. Ivy startled and winced, a stabbing pain shooting from her hip to the top of her leg. She had checked it on the corner of a rooftop during a risky parkour detour away from some goons and damn she was going to pay for it in the morning.

Despite the pain, even Ivy couldn’t deny that the mission had been a total success.

“What’s the take?” she asked idly, looking over.

“I dunno, maybe a gazillion, maybe more?” Harley pondered, looking back, her blue eyes shining with excitement. They grew impossibly wider and Ivy swallowed. Bright eyes were a sure-fire sign that Harley had An Idea. 

“Hey Pammy, we could buy a dozen!”

Ivy chuckled, honestly a little relieved. “The money isn’t for doughnuts, Harls.” 

Harley’s expression fell and Ivy couldn’t help but smirk at her ridiculous girl. She was impossible half the time and acted like a damn child the rest but it was just… There was something about making her smile that Ivy was a little addicted to. 

“Okay… Maybe...” she conceded. Harley pouted, batting her eyelashes and – goddammit – nobody could say no to that face. Ivy also knew if she stuck to her guns she would never hear the end of it. She eyed the duffel bags by the door and groaned in defeat. “Ugh, okay, fine.”

Harley’s expression changed so quickly Ivy was surprised she didn’t get facial whiplash. “Pammy, you’re the best!” she declared gleefully, leaning over to kiss Ivy on the cheek before bounding over to start rifling through the money they stole.

\--*--

_Two weeks later, somewhere deep in the business district of Gotham..._

“I don’t… Think they saw us...” Ivy panted, pulling Harley closer to her. 

They crouched in a nameless back alley, under the blanket of a starless summer night, sandwiched together between a wall and a dumpster. The smell was putrid, a mix of old garbage, stagnant water and dead rat. Their life of crime wasn’t always glamorous but there were goons looking for them; if they didn’t crowd in real close the shadow with pigtails would be a dead giveaway. Ivy held her breath and tried to focus on the fresh tropical smell in Harley’s hair.

A wayward goon wandered by the mouth of the alley and it made Harley fidget, her elbow digging between Ivy’s ribs. 

“Keep still,” Ivy hissed, but Harley was too busy scanning the rooftops for trouble to pay any attention. 

“No sign of Batsy Bats or his stupid lil tweety bird,” she whispered conspiratorially. She peeked around Ivy, eyeing up the imposing building they just broke into – and out of – without being seen. “I don’t think they saw us.”

Ivy rolled her eyes dramatically. It was like having a homicidal parrot for a partner in crime. She couldn’t help but let a tiny ray of hope sweep through her. Had they actually gotten away with it?

She knew – hell, everyone knew – that Harley Quinn had never been any good at sleuth missions, even the easy ones. She was honestly impressed they had gotten this far without Harley giving into the urge to break bones. Every time Ivy had gone outside with her, she had gone out half-expecting a fire-fight.

This wasn’t their usual M.O., not by a long shot. If they pulled this off right, nobody would ever know that a wealth of corporate information proving systematic eco-terrorism was on a flash drive in the bottom of Ivy’s jacket pocket.

“Hey, do you think they’ll know it was us?” Ivy wondered aloud.

Harley gave her some serious side-eye. “Name me another person in Gotham who’d hit the headquarters of some major environment-hatin’ booger man just to steal company files?”

Sadly, that was true. Ivy narrowed her eyes, choosing not to dignify her with a response. She stepped on her tiptoes to peer over Harley’s shoulder, scoping out their exit route in the darkness while Harley’s eyes were trained on the moving goons out by the revolving door.

Ivy put her hands on Harley’s shoulders after thirty seconds of listening to nothing but the faded sounds of Gotham’s nightlife. “C’mon honey, let’s go home.”

As they ran, the air was thick with the heat of a Gotham summer, air heavy and full of potential. The path they followed was blissfully clear, devoid of sewage and rot, damp with afternoon rain. It made the dirt and grime of the city look shiny and new.

They moved silently through an increasingly complicated series of deserted streets and alleyways. Ivy held her breath as they ran, eyes blinking in the dark. She couldn’t get tired, not yet, the night was far from over. 

The files they had stolen would lead Ivy to the bastards who’d been paying for illegal deforestation in the Amazon basin and she was going to _get them_.

They were about halfway home before Harley suddenly stopped and grabbed her arm, practically swinging her around. Ivy stumbled, a growl of protest at the back of her throat. 

“Wait!” Harley whispered excitedly, catching Ivy and holding her to the spot. “I gotcha a present!” She had that expression on her face again, the one which made Ivy’s stomach swoop with anticipation. She could never tell what Harley was going to do next.

Harley thrust a hand into her pocket and watched Ivy’s face with great expectation.

The click of a button.

Nothing happened.

Ivy frowned and opened her mouth to respond, to tell Harley to stop messing around, this kind of shit would get them thrown back to Arkham, they needed to get out of there. She really meant to say _something_ -

The explosion was so big Ivy saw it before she heard it. 

Out of nowhere a blast of orange fire lit up the sky, followed by a low guttural sonic boom. She wheeled around in time to see the top half of the building they had escaped from minutes earlier shatter into a thousand different colours as fireworks lit up the dark. 

Ivy could do nothing but watch, immobilized in stunned silence as pieces of the building whizzed and popped and banged with delight, explosion after explosion, muffling the shouts and chaos below. Hues of all colours flashed across Harley’s face as she looked on, fascinated by destruction as she always had been.

“Didya know, Red,” Harley’s slow smile dazzled in the glowing lights. She sounded very proud of herself. “Lotsa fireworks have flower names?”

So much for anonymous infiltration.

“Do they really?” Ivy replied flatly. She couldn’t honestly work out whether she was happy it was all gone and the bastards were dead or whether she was pissed that the target on their backs had just grown one hell of a lot bigger.

“Yeah!” She counted on her fingers. “There’s peonies, horsetails, palms, willows, chrysthanthe-nuh-mums...”

“Huh.” Actually, Ivy hadn't known that. 

“Yep, an’ I picked ‘em _all_. I knew you’d like ‘em.”

Ivy tried really hard not to smile, but it was no use. It was actually kind of thoughtful. She decided then to forgive Harley, just this once. They stood side-by-side, alone in the middle of an alley, Harley’s warm hand still on her arm. 

“Do you think they’ll know it was us?” Even to her own ears, Ivy’s question sounded redundant.

Harley giggled and Ivy shook her head fondly.

They watched the show as long as they could, quietly slinking off into the night at the first sound of sirens.

\--*--

_Another two weeks later, give or take a few days, on the helipad of some rich dillweed’s mansion..._

“Grab my hand!” Harley yelled over the roar of the whirring helicopter blades.

“Hurry up!” Catwoman added from her position behind the pilot, coolly holding a blade to his throat. “We’d better get going,” she told him silkily.

Ivy grimaced. She hated working with Selina. She had always been a selfish, backstabbing, double-crossing sneaky bitch and Ivy did not trust her. As it turned out, they couldn’t have pulled this off without a third. Ivy’s promise to never work with Catwoman again had wound up a lot like her promise to never drink again.

Besides, as much as she hated to admit it, Catwoman had been the obvious choice. This mission was too close to her heart for her to screw them over. Ivy held all of Selina’s weaknesses in her back pocket and it made her easy to manipulate. It was practically a certainty that they could guarantee her loyalty, at least this once. What little doubt Ivy did have - learned from years of experience - was a risk she was willing to take.

Ivy’s feet pounded across the rooftop, their priceless bounty held safe in her jacket. The cursing yells of the goons on her tail began to fade to the sound of Harley’s desperate voice. She was close, so close, all she needed was a leap of faith-

She closed her eyes and lunged, her arm outstretched as the stolen helicopter began to lift off the ground. Her fingertips grazed the skin of Harley’s wrist and she thought she’d made it, really made it, until her hand slipped and she began to fall…

Her eyes flew open when she felt the safety of Harley’s firm grip closed around her wrist. She looked up into her best friend’s gleaming smile. “Hey, I gotcha,” Harley promised.

Reinvigorated, Ivy summoned the last strength she had and tried to pull herself up, feet scrabbling to take hold. Harley grunted with exertion, both hands gripping Ivy’s arm tight. With trembling thighs, Harley struggled to her feet and used all her body weight to fling them both backwards. They crashed to the floor of the helicopter, little more than a pile of tangled limbs. 

Made it. 

Ivy slammed the door in the faces of the screaming goons falling away below them.

“Phew!” Harley gasped for air. “That was a close one, huh?”

“Yeah,” Ivy agreed, panting to catch her breath. Real close. A little too close.

“So...” Harley crawled closer to her. “How’s our new recruit?”

“Honey, we can’t keep him,” Ivy reminded her, holding the wriggling lump in her jacket still while she unzipped to let him free.

The amur leopard cub poked his head out warily, eyeing Harley like he wasn’t sure if he should try his luck eating her. He was one of maybe fifty of his kind left in the world and they had just rescued him from a life of misery being some rich idiot’s discarded pet.

“But he’s so cute!” Harley exclaimed, scratching his forehead gently. For a moment the cub looked confused, then thought better of it and tried to nibble at Harley’s fingers.

“We talked about this. He needs to go back to Russia to be with his mom,” Ivy said gently. She had known full well that this would happen. 

Harley got so attached to certain things so quickly that it was kind of endearing. People, places, animals, even some of Ivy’s plants. Except maybe the ficus. Ivy loved how passionate she was and how her passion never faded. It was every second of every day and it seemed as easy as breathing. 

On those days Ivy was filled with an uncontrollable hate for humanity, so strong she was scared it would eat her alive, she would turn to Harley to soothe it with all the love she held inside of her. 

It worked every time.

“He needs his mama, Harley,” she repeated patiently as Harley began to coo at the cub. “He was stolen from her. She misses him.” She looked down, her chest tightening as she thought of the despicable things the poor little one had already been through. “He probably isn’t even on real food yet.”

“She’s right,” Selina chimed in from the front seat. The cub wriggled in Ivy’s jacket, trying to follow the sound of her voice.

“You can kind of understand why those horrible people would want him as a pet though,” Harley muttered to herself. Ivy glared at her in response. “Look at him! Isn’t he just the cutest thing you’ve ever-”

“Harley,” Ivy warned, using the don’t-fuck-with-me tone that she kept almost exclusively _for_ Harley.

“I know, I know,” Harley soothed, holding up her hands in surrender. When it came to dealing with Ivy and endangered species, she had learned enough to know when she was beat. “I just… I thought you liked to collect rare things and keep them safe.”

“I do,” Ivy admitted, looking down at the tired cub let out a toothy yawn. “But I have my hands full with you.”

Harley smiled, meeting Ivy’s eyes, then started laughing. That infectious smile again. When Harley laughed it was like music, Ivy couldn’t help but join in. 

They sat on the floor for the rest of the trip, too tired to move. Harley shuffled closer to pet the cub’s soft head while she still could, her other arm pressed up against Ivy the whole way. 

Their conversation gradually petered off into an easy silence as the helicopter made its way direct to Gotham international airport. There, on a reserved runway, a Wayne Enterprises private plane was waiting for Catwoman to take their new friend home.

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a long time since I've written anything and I'm pretty new to this fandom/ship but I fell _hard_. This was going to be part of a larger story I'm writing but it became a little obsolete to the plot so I thought I'd post it by itself anyway.
> 
> Hope you liked it! Constructive criticism welcome.


End file.
